The news that Rich Ross was ousted from Disney broke yesterday following the gigantic box-office bomb John Carter, which flopped harder than Ariel’s flipper on shore, losing $200 million that I’m sure we could find a much better way to spend. (Next time, just ask?) Here’s our tribute to some of the most notorious Disney products out there in no particular order because they’re all pretty bad.
1. The Return of Jafar: Aladdin was a huge success, but that doesn’t mean the direct-to-video sequel, which did not feature Robin Williams as the Genie, was anything other than a silly movie perpetuating Middle Eastern stereotypes and a jazzy musical number featuring the titular character.
2. John Carter: What do you expect when you release a 2D movie in 3D iMax theatres?
3. Cars 2: This movie grossed $66,135,507 in its first box office weekend in America. With that kind of cash we could of done something much cooler that weekend.
4. Around the World in 80 Days: Sir Richard Branson makes an obvious cameo.
5. Merbabies: Even less popular than Mermen. Also so deeply creepy, like a Harvey Darger.
6. Hitler’s Children Education For Death: Classic Disney propaganda. We’ve come a long way as Americans—from choosing our enemies on moral grounds to purely economic ones. See John Carter.
7. The Story Of Menstruation: We had no idea…
8. Zionist Anti-Arab Propaganda Cartoon: There’s absolutely nothing Kosher about this.