Lately I’ve seen a lot of things online about what it’s like to date a writer. As a writer and a single narcissist, I was intrigued! On the one hand, there’s this post on The Gloss that tells you not to date a writer. What are some of the reasons? The poetic license that writers take with fact when creating fiction seems to be the worst one. And on the other hand, there’s Thought Catalog (which is how many sentences of mine begin), which ran a post by a young woman who proved that one should not date a writer because they are full of themselves and may use “poetess” as a description for themselves. Ew!
I had no idea that we writers were such a miserable lot, destined to be single forever because of what awful people we are! But it did get me thinking: aren’t there a ton of other kinds of people that one should not date based solely on broad generalizations? Well, sure there are. And here is a list.
- Actors: they always want to be the center of attention!
- Musical theater actors: see above. Also, your friends will complain that your boyfriend or girlfriend is “always on,” and not in a good way.
- Photographers: they’ll make you walk around shitty neighborhoods to take pictures of urban decay.
- Musicians: you’ll have to go listen to their shitty band play in bar basements. On weeknights.
- Computer programmers: they are nerds.
- Garbage men: they are smelly.
- Comedians: they are all so sad!
- Publicists: they will email you constantly.
- Accountants: they will correct your bar math.
- Teachers: they’ll make you jealous of their summer vacations.
- Farmers: you’ll be expected to know the difference between tractors and combines.
- Astronauts: you’ll have to watch The Right Stuff over and over and over again.
- Civil War reenactors: the wool jackets and pants will chafe.
- Truck drivers: they will probably cheat on you at highway rest stops.
- Anyone under the age of 25: they are stupid.
What have we learned today, kids? Don’t date anyone, ever.